2000 Great Songs #1313: 6" (Average Dick)

Back in my teen years, my high school would put on a biennial arts festival. In addition to hosting workshops and presentations from local luminaries in the arts, they'd have performances from student bands (including my own very bad band, which lurched painfully through covers of "Suffragette City" and "My Best Friend's Girl" and "Clash City Rockers"). The most memorable, albeit brief, performance was courtesy of a few of my classmates, whose punk/garage band was called (quite accurately) The Suburban Nightmare. They dedicated a song called '6"' (six inches) to a fellow classmate, at which point they began singing about a guy who's... an average dick. The teacher running the program scurried to unplug the PA after about 30 seconds, and that was the end of their gig.

Anyway, they put out an EP in 1985 after we'd graduated, A Hard Day's Nightmare, mostly retro-60s garage rock with Farfisa organs and surf-guitar riffs, like a raunchier Standells with a bit of Modern Lovers thrown in. I would've liked to have played it on the college station, but we could've had our FCC license pulled. The Suburban Nightmare then morphed into The Dwarves, a long-running punk/garage act notorious for its scatological & misogynist cover art and songs, among other things, though some of their music is actually pretty good and kinda funny for punk purists if you look past the shock kitsch. They eventually released a comp of their early recordings, including '6"' (re-named "Average Dick" on the comp.)

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